I know it's been quite a while since I updated my blog, but when I think about creating posts about my last days with my sister, it just emotionally overwhelms me. Every time I sit down to work on it and look through the pictures of those final days with her, the tears start to flow and I just have to walk away. I know I need to do it because these are good, special memories for me, but I just can't bring myself to do it yet. I will, maybe once my kids get back into school and I am into a routine again. In the mean time, I want to thank you all for your comments, your words of encouragement and love, and most importantly for your prayers. I can feel them and I am so grateful for the comfort and peace I feel from your prayers. The days are getting easier, but harder at the same time. It feels more real, yet I find myself wanting to call Ginger to talk about anything and everything all the time. My heart still aches mostly for her husband and children, but I find so much comfort in knowing that the Savior can and will heal their hearts.

"I Love To See The Temple"

After we returned from California we thought it would be nice to take the kids to see the Seattle Washington Temple. We were so sad to realize that the Angel Moroni was being worked on, so it was covered with scaffolding and kind of hard to see, (and it slightly diminished the magnificance and beauty of the temple). But we were still able to enjoy the beauty of the grounds and feel the peace and Spirit of the temple. The temple has small trails in the forest surrounding it, so we walked around and enjoyed the natural beauty all around us.


Of course Don couldn't leave without snapping a few shots of us imitating the statues. It was funny to find out that my friend went to the temple within a few weeks of us and did the exact same thing!

Sisters Forever

Last Sunday, July 20, 2008, my little sister, Ginger Dee Clinton, left this mortal existence and passed across the veil to the other side. That day was the hardest, saddest day of my entire life. I could have only imagined what it could be like to lose someone so close, someone you loved so much. Now I know. But, because of my knowledge of the Eternal Plan of Happiness, and my testimony that God lives and loves me, I made it through the darkest of hours into the light that He so willingly offers.

Sunday morning, I got up to get ready for church and received a phone call from my brother at 7:00 in the morning. It was the type of call you hope you'll never receive. He told me that Ginger was heading to the hospital in an ambulance and that it didn't look good, but that we needed to pray. Don was already at the church in meetings and all of my children were asleep. Needing some companionship, I immediately woke up my oldest girls, Ginger and Gillian, who were asleep on the couch from babysitting late the previous night. My daughter, Ginger could see how upset I was, so she immediately knelt beside me and offered to say the prayer. I called Don, who came right home, and we all said another prayer together. Even though we still hadn't heard the outcome, I knew in my heart that she was gone, and during that prayer, the peace that came over us was comforting and so real. We found out later that she had suffered a minor seizure, causing her heart to short circuit and stop. She basically just passed away in her sleep.

With 10 siblings, I was blessed with six amazing sisters and Ginger was the one just 2 years below me in age. We grew up doing everything together. We roller skated, rode bikes, played hopscotch and jumped rope, built forts, slept on the trampoline, shared a room, dressed like twins for fun, played "house" together, worked alongside my dad in his office as we goofed off in the back, etc....just did all the things you do with a sister. I have an exerpt in my journal that Ginger and I wrote together in our own journals, word for word, that we have read together over the years. It was about a "Happy Friendship" party that we threw for our dolls. We made a banner, and decorated our bunk bed and threw this elaborate party for our dolls, complete with cake and cookies. Many times, we have read that journal entry outloud together over and over and would laugh and laugh. A "happy friendship" is what we shared.


(I am handing Ginger her birthday cake on her first b-day with our 4 older siblings)


As kids, we spent hours and hours playing together, but I can't forget to mention the fact that there were MANY times when I wanted to play, but Ginger had her nose stuck in a book, with a bag of sunflower seeds at her side. She was the fastest reader and read every book in our house at least once, if not twice. I think that's where she got her smarts from. She was much smarter than I, her older sister. I would study my guts out, while Ginger could learn everything so quickly and remember it forever. So not fair. Ginger was the one I went to High School, Seminary, Youth Conference, Stake Dances and Girl's Camp with. You would think she would be glad that her older sister was with her so she wouldn't feel timid and shy, but it was actually the other way around. She was my little security blanket. I was shy and socially awkward, but Ginger was outgoing and confident and everyone loved to be around her. I remember being at dances where guys my age or older would want to hang out with her and dance with her because she was so little, so cute, and so cool.

We eventually went to a Young Adult Dance where she introduced me to Don, and actually told me prior to the introduction, "you have to meet Don Spangler, and you HAVE to marry him." She was obviously inspired. Ginge and I got to be next door neighbors at BYU, so she was there when I brought my first baby girl home from the hospital, named Ginger Dee Spangler. I remember her crying when she found out what we had named our baby. I had no idea at the time how much having a daughter named after her would mean to me. Ginger and I would just hold my newborn baby and stare at her for hours and hours, watching and waiting for her to make any expression.

As a young girl, Ginger and I, as well as our younger sisters and cousins, participated in a talent show at school where we lip synced and danced to the song, "When I Grow Up, I want to be a Mother". There were 7 or 8 of us little blonde girls, dressed in white shorts and pink T-shirts with the logo "Z Girls" printed on the front (Z stands for Zierenberg, our maiden name). I watched Ginger live that dream and become the most loving, wonderful mother to her four children, Erin, Jenna, Brady, and Holly. One thing I always noticed and loved about Ginger was that she truly enjoyed being a mother. She couldn't change a diaper without tickling, playing, and laughing with her babies, and she could literally sit on the couch for hours just talking to, or goofing off with her kids. She took the time to answer any silly question they asked and made sure they felt appreciated and loved. She loved her children with her whole heart and her greatest desire was to teach them the gospel of Jesus Christ. My friend sent a message about Ginger today and said, "those sweet little children are pumped full of Ginger" and it's so true. They are forever influenced because of her goodness and light. They not only look like her, but they are so smart, and funny, and full of love and a desire to do right, just like their mother. (oh yeah, and their dad, too!)



Ginger called me quite frequently for mom-type questions, or just simple homemaking advice. I will never forget just a few years ago when she called to ask questions about how to bake a cake...from a box! But, in the past couple years, she was passing me up quickly as she was bottling hamburger and butter, and baking in her backyard with her sun oven. She had a great desire to follow the prophet's counsel and have her family prepared for any future trials.

Over the past 3 years, living so far away from my family, I was blessed to be able to see Ginger so much. As hard as it is to lose my sister, it would have been 10 times harder if I hadn't seen her enough in the past few years. She was so great about just packing up her four kids, jumping on a plane and coming to visit. Don and I even had the opportunity to travel to Hawaii and Mexico with Ginger and Jason a couple times in the last 3 years, which are memories we will always treasure. This year alone, I had been able to spend so much time with her, first at our Annual Girl's Weekend with my sisters, then at the funeral of my grandmother, then our huge Zierenberg family reunion in May. And then, my little family also just spent 4 weeks in California, for my sister, Amber's wedding and to just enjoy time with family. I will forever be grateful for that time I got to be there, to stay in her home with her one last time, and to fill up my heart with fresh, recent memories.

That picture of us at the top is my favorite picture of me and Ginger. We took it just a few weeks ago, on the 4th of July. Two days after I returned home from our long trip to California, I was doing the dishes, thinking about how much I already missed my family, and this picture popped in my mind, and I thought to myself, go e-mail that picture to Ginger and tell her how much you already miss her and love her. I never got the chance to send it to her, and just 2 days later, she died, but I know she knew how much I loved her, and knows now how much I miss her.

Going home this past week for the Memorial Service was definitely the hardest thing I have ever lived through, but at the same time, I never knew that it could be as bearable as it was. What a tremendous blessing it was to be surrounded by my family and loved ones. Our entire family was being carried. Heavenly Father had sent the Comforter to be with us and it was remarkable the peace and assurance I felt in knowing that I would see my sister again, that we were a forever family, and that we would be all right. My older brother, Jason gave the eulogy and a beautiful tribute to Ginger that was so heartwarming and beautiful. My youngest sister, Wendy, shared memories and special stories about her that made us all laugh and cry. One of my favorite stories was about a campout that Ginger and Wendy took Erin and Jenna on just weeks before her passing. They were supposed to go at the end of the summer, but Ginger decided to just do it. We ALL were invited in the evening to make smores around the campfire and then we left as Ginger, Wendy, my mom and Ginger's girls stayed to spend the night. Wendy told of them sitting around the campfire melting plastic forks into cool shapes, and heard Erin proclaim, "This is the best night of my life!" That was Ginger's goal. She wanted to make a night that her girls would remember forever and now they have that memory to hold onto. At the service, my husband, Don, gave an inspired, uplifting talk about our Heavenly Father's Plan for us that touched the hearts of many, even those not of our faith. It was a beautiful service.

The morning of the funeral, Ginger's little 3 year old boy, Brady, asked his daddy if Mommy would be coming back home. Jason quietly replied, "no". Brady then asked, "Because Heavenly Father made her an angel?" Jason's answer, "yes". Then Brady quickly responded, "Because she likes to play in the snow!" If only we could have that childlike innocence and happy outlook on life.

Even though this has been the most difficult week to endure, we have been blessed to be able to see and recognize all of the tender mercies that Heavenly Father has bestowed upon us. Even in times of peril, His hand has cleared the path to make this trial as bearable as possible. These are just a few of the tender mercies we've noticed...
*Jason has been out of work for 5 months, but they chose to take the time to enjoy as a family instead of trying to find a job right away. And because they have been so blessed financially, Jason can still be at home with his kids for a while without hurrying back to work.
*My mom and dad shared lunch with Ginger and Jason in the temple just 2 days before she died.
*Ginger's oldest daughter, Erin(7), got tucked in by her mother the night before and talked with her about heaven and what a beautiful place it was. Erin even informed us that her mom didn't even know if they had food in heaven, but that now she knows.
*My youngest sister Wendy is able to stay and help Jason for the next month, which is a huge comfort to all of us.
*I said good-bye to Ginger exactly one week before she died, and will never forget her coming back for a 2nd good-bye hug, as we weren't going to be seeing each other for a few months.
There have been countless others. I literally could write books about Ginger and her fun-spirited personality, her vibrancy for life, her goodness and faithfulness, and her desire to serve and lift those around her. There were over a thousand people at her Memorial Service, which didn't surprise any of us. The world lost an amazing, beautiful women that day, but Heavenly Father needed her on the other side to do an even greater work. I will miss her so much, but will forever be changed for the good, because of knowing her. And, now after having gone through this experience, I have been given an eternal perspective that will help me each and every day of my life. It has given me a desire to love and live my life as though this were my last day on earth, an enhanced desire to enjoy and cherish my children and husband, and a willingness to serve more and share the gospel that Ginger so perfectly lived. But, most importantly, this experience has given me an increased determination to do all I can to follow my Savior so that one day I can make it back to my sister! I love you, Ginge, and will see you later!




For those of you didn't know my sister, you are welcome to get to know her a little better through her blog.... http://www.jasondgingerd.blogspot.com/
Her final post, which she posted the night before she died was entitled "happiness". How appropriate.

Time to head home...

Our month long vacation was actually coming to an end and we needed to get back to the real world and start getting ready for school again. On our way home we were able to stop by for a visit at my childhood best friend's home in the Bay area. Hilary and I met at Girl's camp when we were just 12 years old and have been friends ever since. She has 3 children now so our kids swam and played all afternoon while Hilary made us a fantastic barbecue dinner. We had so much fun visiting and catching up with them and seeing their beautiful new home. It was a great end to our extended vacation.


The kids were exhausted, to say the least. We had packed it in for a month straight and had no schedule of going to bed at a decent hour. It was the best vacation we could have ever asked for. A wedding, a baby blessing, the beach, the sun, and tons and tons of family together time. What more could we have asked for? We returned home on Wednesday night only to find out the following Sunday that my sister, Ginger had passed away. I will forever be grateful for the blessing it was for me and for my family to have that time with her and with all of my extended family. I know that Heavenly Father opened the door for us to be able to have that time with her before she departed from this earth. Just another tender mercy from a loving Heavenly Father.

Still in love....

My sister, Ginger, found Don and I getting a little too snuggly on the couch, so she just started snapping pictures. She took at least a dozen, but these were some of my favorites. It will always be a sweet memory for me to look at these remembering my sister laughing at Don because he could not pose for a serious picture!

Paige's Blessing Day

What a thrill it was for us to realize that we would still be in California when Summer and Clint were blessing their baby girl, Paige. It was only 2 hours away from Bakersfield in Fresno, which was on our way back home at the perfect time we needed to start making our way back to Washington. Clint gave a beautiful blessing and after church we all gathered at Yvonne and Andy's house, who are long time friends of our family. Yvonne put on this amazing lunch for all of Summer's extended family.



The luncheon was at noon and we were going to head back to our hotel in the early afternoon, but Yvonne got out her bracelet making kit and insisted we stay until she made Kate, Ginger, and I the bracelets she had been wanting to make us for a long time. They were special bracelets for mothers with charms for each child. We had so much fun and my girls even got to make bracelets of their own.

Don was being such a good sport about letting me stay there with all the girls, and it ended up being after 9pm that night when we all finally left. None of us wanted to leave. We would be heading back to Washington and Kate and Ginger would be returning to their homes in Moorpark. Our extended vacation was coming to an end and we were all sad! We had cried when Summer left, knowing she was heading to Virginia and that we wouldn't be seeing her for quite a while and now it was time for US to say good-bye, not knowing if we would be seeing eachother before our annual Girl's weekend in February or not. It seemed like such a long time away! We said our good-byes and drove off, only to get a call 5 minutes later from Ginger asking us to come back to the gas station and pay for her gas, since she and Kate had both forgotten their wallets! We cracked up about that one. But, it was there at the gas station that Ginger hugged me tight, then went to get back into her car, but turned around and came back for a second good-bye hug. I will never forget that hug because it was the last time I would see my sister on this earth. I can still close my eyes and feel the tightness and sadness of that embrace. The entire day is a sweet memory for me and one I will never forget.

The Party Goes on In Baketown

My poor little birthday boy, STILL hadn't got his birthday cake, which was a fruit pizza at his request and once again, Natalie pulled through for me and got all the ingredients and helped me make it for him. He actually never complained that his birthday celebrations were spread over several weeks. I think he was just happy being surrounded by all his cousins, getting to swim and play 24 hours a day!


One of Trevor and Natalie's friends has a home theater and invited us all over for a special viewing of Spiderwick Chronicles. This theater was incredible. It was exactly like a movie theater, just on a smaller scale. Although, these seats were way better than typical theater seats and the movie, popcorn and candy were free! The kids had a blast and then got to spend an hour in the arcade/game room of the house. It was pretty cool!

It's pretty amazing that we had nine kids living under one roof for that long, but Trevor and Natalie were so great and we all had so much fun together. The last night we were there my dad and sisters, Ginger and Kate, arrived to spend the night before we all headed to Fresno for the baby blessing. Now, that was a houseful, and of course, we stayed up WAY too late before having to get up super early. It was so fun.

Gillian's 10th in Bakersfield

Our vacation in California is still going...and we went from Pismo to my brother, Trevor's house in Bakersfield. We added our family of seven to their family of eight for almost a whole week...and it was a blast! Thank goodness they have a backyard pool, so our kids spent their days swimming and staying out of the house! We arrived on Gillian's birthday, July 9th, and Natalie was sweet enough to have this amazing cake all ready, with the presents I had shipped all wrapped and ready to go. It was quite a party for Gillian...her dream to be at her cousin's house getting to swim and play all day! We loved our time with them. Natalie and I even got to escape the chaos a couple times to go shopping, get our hair done, and go out to eat. I felt so spoiled and pampered!

Montana De Oro

Montana de Oro is one of the coolest places to visit if you are ever near San Luis Obispo. We used to go all the time when we lived in Morro Bay and it was fun to make a day of it with Reece and Melissa and their family. The kids and dads hiked way up onto the cliffs and went exploring while Melissa and I stayed back with the little ones. It is a beautiful place. I wish Don had taken the camera exploring with him!

Off to Pismo Beach

We had such a great visit with Don's sister, Melissa, and her family. We hit the beach a couple more times since they are practically right on the beach and enjoyed some serious good food. Melissa is such a good cook and we were happy to let her cook for us. She made her incredible fish tacos, and pork ribs that were amazing. We miss their family so much and really enjoyed spending a few days with them.


I love this picture of my Ryan Jane, with her gorgeous curls cascading down her back. Go ahead, double click and check out those luscious curls that I covet. I am definitely going to be framing this one. Doesn't she look old in this picture? She was only five!

Jenna's B-day at Denny's

Instead of saying good-bye the night before, Ginger invited our family to enjoy a special birthday breakfast at Denny's for her daughter, Jenna, before we hit the road and headed to Pismo. It made for a very fun morning and was a definite treat for our kids to go to Denny's with their cousins. Although, I do have to admit, going out to eat with 9 children is not my idea of fun. They did pretty well, though. We said our good-byes, but Ginger and I were glad to realize we would be able to make it to our niece, Paige's baby blessing the following week, so we would get to see each other one more time before we headed back to Washington.

Independence Day

Even though we were still staying at Mark and Kate's house, they weren't even there with us! They headed to Newport Beach for the weekend with Mark's family and were gracious enough to let us stay in their home for the next couple days before we headed north to Pismo Beach. We had such a great time with their family and were sad they had to go! We were actually going to be heading out the same day they did, but I kept feeling like I wanted to stay another couple days. Little did I know that those days would be days I would cherish and remember forever.
Ginger and Jason had been invited to spend the day swimming and barbecuing with a number of friends (that we knew, too) in their ward so they let us tag along once again. It was a beautiful day and so fun to spend with family and friends. Ginger and I basically spent the entire day together, knowing I would be leaving the next day and soaking up every last minute we had to be together.

We spent the evening watching fireworks behind the Stake Center. It was prime location and the show was fantastic...the best 4th of July fireworks show I'd ever seen. Someone there had set music to go with the show and it was powerful and moving. I remember getting choked up with pride for my country, then love for my family, then getting even more emotional thinking of leaving my family and not seeing them for a while. It was a memorable night.
Of course, Ginger and I went crazy with the camera, like we always do, taking pictures then showing each other what great shots we had captured. I was already starting to feel sad about leaving the next day, wanting to cherish every minute before I had to go.



I will never forget taking this picture of her beautiful little family. The scenery and background were amazing and I knew I had captured a special picture. I love all of these pictures so much. Ginger looks so beautiful and vibrant and radiant.

The THIRD of July

Amber and Sam came home from a wonderful honeymoon and we were thrilled to get to be there to see them open presents before they headed back to Utah. They looked so happy and it was such a treat to see them again.



Mark and Kate and Ginger and Jason were invited to have an early Fourth of July celebration with their friends to see fireworks and were kind enough to let us tag along with them. It ended up that some friends of ours were there as well. It was fun to get to see fireworks BEFORE the 4th of July and enjoy that night together with family and friends once again.

A Perfect Day At the Beach

This is one of many trips that we took to the beach during our stay in California, but for some reason this day was absolute perfection. The weather was amazing and as we usually end up only staying about 2 or 3 hours, we ended up staying over 5 hours. Everyone in that part of California was able to be there and even the newlyweds were able to come after their honeymoon. The kids played for hours and hours and the adults just walked and talked. It was almost as if time was standing still for a while. I will never forget that day.

More Birthday Fun

After the wedding, we packed up at Ginger's house and headed five minutes away over to my older sister, Kate's house to stay with her family of seven! We finally gave Davis his birthday breakfast he had been asking for...Texas french toast with strawberries and whip cream! We loved our stay there and had several more trips to the beach and local pools. We were getting tanner and tanner by the minute.